Tiny Moments: That Day

Oh motherhood! What an amazing blessing and weight it is for me. Some who know me would say I was born a mother. From a young age I could be seen with a baby dolls in my arms. I was natural babysitter. I thrived being an aunt. But being a mother to your own children is so much more than I could have ever imagined. It is more joy, stress, happiness, sorrow, love, worry than I could have every imagined. From the time I found out I was pregnant, I felt this immense responsibility as a mother. I began to worry about the little and big things. Hoping I could do my best but worrying that would never be enough for this sweet little baby coming to our family. And then he came. A moment which changed me forever. I always loved the little parasite growing inside of me, but now he was out. He was looking at me and I fell so hard. As he lay on my chest I realized he was my heart. And that blessing and weight of motherhood settled in my soul and there was so much peace with that. 

Random recap right?.....But sometimes I need to remember that moment, the one where he stole the show and my heart. I need to remember it on days like today because today was a rough one. Today I was not the best mom version of myself. Today I kind of sucked. I lost myself in my frustration, my impatience. I hate that. Because it feels like I betray my heart. I know that as a mom, I will face more failure than anyone person feels they can bare. I know there will be days where I am wondering if I do anything right (I have already had more of those than I care to remember). And on those days I have to remember that day, the one where he changed me forever.  The day where I realized I would do anything to help him find joy, to be the best version of himself. The day where the blessing and weight became a part of my soul. And then I have to look to tomorrow and hope to do better.