Is it possible to be this tired!?!?!!?

(Word of CAUTION: This post is totally a rant)

Okay yes I am guilty!....I was one of those people in all my mighty experience and wisdom who said parents just need to let their babies cry it out and then they will have good sleepers. I know I was a brat and obviously not super worried about karma. Well let's fast forward to my current life where I have a 5 month old cutie that believes sleep is for the weak and nope I don't have to if I don't want to. He thinks life is a party 24/7 and he must be apart. He's not my child or anything...stubborn and likes to part...hmmmmm :) I know, I know, Jon and I are in for it!!!

Let me give you a little taste of our current extremely sleep deprived world. Little man usually graces us with his jibber jabbers around 7-7:30am. Jon or I go and get him and let me say this....he is the cutest little thing in the morning. No matter how bad he has been in the night....ohhhh and he is really bad a lot of times, he is so dang cute in the morning and he knows it!!!! Anyways we get him up play with him for the next 1/2 hour while his acid reflux meds kick in and then I feed him. After that more play time and then we head into danger zone #1...his naps. Granted they have gotten better since birth but those parents with perfect sleepers would curl up and die if they had my little Jax boy. To start off he is a tummy sleeper, which took me a good week of staring at the monitor and checking him every 5 minutes to make sure he was breathing, to be comfortable with it. Second, he now rolls in both directions....awesome, should have never encouraged it (just joking, okay partially just joking). Third, he is a binky baby, which was amazing when he was a newborn but has brought some bad habits into his later infancy. So back to nap time, he usually goes down pretty well, with occasional exceptions and sleeps for a good 45 minutes to an hour. Then he thinks its time to party, flips over onto his back, loses his binky, jibber jabbers until he realizes he is still so tired and in fact so tired he can't manage to flip himself back over and proceeds to scream because sleeping with out a binky and on his back is unacceptable (Yes I know he is a spoiled little guy! But in truth the only way we could get him out of his bouncer during naps was to have him sleep on his tummy....I swear if one thing doesn't back fire in our house with Jax, another thing does!!!). Usually I bite the bullet because in my mind I have justified well if he doesn't get good naps he won't sleep well at night, which in Jax's case is really the truth. So I truck myself in there, flip the monkey back on his tummy and pop in his binky. Most of the time this does the trick and he sleeps another hour. However, more often than I care to admit, this happens a few more times in the next hour of his nap. But on the rare occasion he sleeps through an entire 2 hour nap I am so elated there are no words!
So that was nap time. If I can get three naps in, even if one is a cat nap, I consider that a good day! Night time is where this post is getting its "steam". Oh night time, how I love and hate you all at the same time. For the few hours of sleep Jon and I get at night, we find complete bliss. But for all the other hours of crying, getting up and feeding, I find exhaustion and grumpiness...Jon is about the same! (I swear that guy is amazing, PT school, FT work and still manages to help this mommy out way more than he should have to). Here is a somewhat typical night at the Conleys....Jax in bed around 7pm, dream feed around 10:30pm, Jax up to play at 2am, let him cry a little bit. Then I think, "awww crap I should let Jon sleep". Let me explain this choice by saying, Jax has cried it out.....for hours at a time. Now I am not the meanest mom ever, I checked on him quite a bit during the time. Yes he did fall asleep but no he did not stay asleep and was about an hour or so later....We then repeated the cry and awake pattern again. Hence the first part of my post. So I do go in, put him back on his tummy, pop his binky in and he goes to sleep. Now on a good night he will sleep until 4 or 5 (his early morning feed) but on a bad/somewhat average night, he will be up 3 to 4 more times before his early morning feed. That is where my exhaustion lies.
I guess there really is no purpose in this post other than I want to remember the little and big things about Jax (good & a little naughty). That and my baby is currently napping and screaming into the pillow seems a little childish but there you have it. While I love the little monster with all my heart and more than anything.....I AM TIRED! And I will never say anything ever again about crying it out!
(So This week I think we are going to try Dr. Ferber's method as Baby Whisper did not work for us and neither did Baby Wise....Gotta love it. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming :))