Fav Projects - Witch Hat Finishes

My sisters and I LOVE Halloween! This year we decided to add witches to our haunted house. We usually make most of our own props, because it's way more cost effective, fun to make (well hanging out while we make it is fun) and if you want something done right, do it yourself! :) Shauna and I have been working on and off on these hats for a while. I finally took them home for some painting and distressing....my fav part! Here is how they turned out! :) 

Love they that they are all so different and unique, just like every witch will be. 

Tiny Moment - Aunt Love

I could not love this picture more! My little guy sits for no one, except for his Aunt Shauna. He loves her.....like a lot! :) I love that they have such a special relationship. Makes my heart so happy :). 

Spell Books

I LOVE Halloween!!! And I love making Halloween props. Today I finished two spell books and I love them!!! :) Can't wait to make more for next year.

A Weird Sting

So tonight like many others, I heard the garage door open. Jon was home from work. He didn't come in the house for a few more minutes. When he finally did come in, I asked him if everything was okay. He said he had gotten an interesting phone call from his Uncle Doyle. His uncle said he rented to a family who was having their fourth child but unfortunately did not have the means to keep it. Doyle wanted to know what our baby situation was and if we would be interested in adopting. When Jon told me that, I couldn't help but feel my heart swell. A baby....a baby....a baby. A baby in my arms, a baby in our home, a baby in our family forever. A baby! Jon and I had actually just talked about being open to adoption just a few days before that. I had told Jon I felt like we would have at least one more biologic child but that I felt a strong pull to adopt as well. I couldn't help but feel happy and excited with this new and present possibility. But in the next moment Jon said he told Doyle we weren't ready to go down that path yet (until we tried IVF) and he knew the perfect adoptive parents. I knew who he was talking about and I knew they would be amazing parents. We adore them, They are warm, kind and have been trying to adopt for a while (2 failed adoptions) and have no children. While my head knew it was the right suggestion, my heart hurt in that moment. I don't know if it hurt for the specific baby his uncle called about or if it hurt because I feel like our baby is NEVER coming. All I could do was pray for peace. Thankfully it came like a wave washing the pain away and hauling the huge weight which had burrowed itself into my chest. The weird sting was gone and I was comforted and thankful for the relief. While I look forward to the day we adopt, I can't imagine the pain both the adoptive and biologic parents go through during the process. I pray when it's our turn, we can survive it.

Tiny Moment - Going Strong

This kid loves baths so much and I don't think the love of tubbies is going anywhere, anytime soon! :) 

Heart Tug

It's weird that my baby hunger has gotten to the point that when I hear a newborn cry I feel literal tug and sink feeling in my heart. It's the weirdest thing because it's not just in my mind but my body is now having a physical reaction to hearing it. And while it's a physical reaction, the accompanying emotion rocks me. I feel so broken right now. There is this huge part of me that mourns the lack of new life and contains a yearning that never stops. My beautiful, crazy, amazing Jaxson turns three this month. His birthday is bringing a whole new reality and heart break. My baby is really not a baby anymore and unfortunately there is no baby on the horizon. My hope, my dream of another baby feels so far away, almost lost. So every time I see a sweet, beautiful, amazing, exhausting miracle of a newborn with its tiny fingers and toes in the perfect ball position. There is a part of my that wonders if I will ever recover from not having another child. I wonder if the hole in my heart will swallow me up one day. I know life moves on and my struggle to some seems trivial but to feel your purpose so strongly in your being and not being able to fulfill it, is heart breaking...... at least for me. For now all I can do is celebrate the life we were able to bring into this world and keep the hole in my heart at bay.

Tiny Moment - My Little Worrier

Jon bumped his leg and got a little gash. Someone was ultra concerned and kept pointing to it and saying "dadda you owie, you owie". 

For Reals?!?!

I am huge fan of being informed, especially of things going on in my own personal life. During the course of our baby drought, I have been constantly reading up on different infertility studies, research, personal stories of failures and successes, etc. During my recent readings, I came across an article about encouraging health insurance companies in Utah to cover a little more of the infertility cost since it's a diagnosed condition. Upon completing the article, I did something that is always a no-no when reading these types of articles, I read the comments. All I can say is WHOA! I thought it would be full of happiness and support. Instead, it was filled with hate, judgement and the harshest of words. By the time I was done reading the many, many, many comments, I was in tears. I was shocked at the shaming that went on for both primary infertility and especially secondary infertility families. The shaming was very specific, calling those with secondary infertility selfish, ungrateful, anti-adoption (for the record we are pro-adoption and hope to adopt in addition to having another biological child), ignorant of overpopulation, and honestly the horrible list goes on and on. People also said having a child was a choice and if it costs extra to do so it was a selfish decision. Even though the article stated, treating infertility would cause insignificant rate increases for those that selected the coverage. I was shocked people were comparing infertility treatments to people seeking treatment after smoking or doing drugs for decades, saying both were choices and selfish ones at that. After reading all of this and very little support in the comments, I had a pit in my stomach which took days for me to reconcile. I had never expected that type of response and more than that I was sad at people's response and the way the world viewed my current experience. I kept thinking back to moment I held Jax for the first time. It's honestly an experience unmatched in my life (other than my wedding day) and words fail to express my happiness and gratitude for the gift of my child. Everyone has always joked that I was born a mother. I was glued to my baby dolls as a child, a regular babysitter and a baby hungry from my early 20's on. I always thought it could be my calling, but when I held my precious baby boy for the first time, I KNEW in my heart being a mother WAS my calling. So, at the end of the day, people can call me selfish or ignorant or whatever else they want to. My love for my future children, trumps it all. I will expand my family. Jax will have a sibling. And Jon and I will have another child to raise and love. I just want to fulfill my calling of being a mother to fullest extent we as a family are able to and that's just what we will do.

Tiny Moment - Fall Is My Favorite

Nothing better than a beautiful and warm night on fall evening. Well and this view maybe :) 

Tiny Moment - Perfect Fall Evening

Love this view! Makes me a very happy lady, especially when its still warm enough outside to truly enjoy it. :) Happy fall! 

New Venture

So I decided to start a little side venture making wood signs. I am still figuring out designs and am loving it. Here are a few that I have done so far. 

(My absolute favorite sign I have done, "Oh Holy Night")

To check out more available boards and/or request a custom board go to, http://potentialdesigns.blogspot.com/

Tiny Moment - Besties

These are Jaxson's besties, giraffe, bunny, baby George, Mickey and doggie. He must have them all in crib for nap and bedtime. And they usually manage to migrate out of his crib during the day, especially baby George and bunny these days.

Tiny Moment - Such A Fitting T-Shirt

Don't worry his t-shirt says, "Let's Blame the Sugar". I guess if the t-shirt fits....... :)