A Weird Sting

So tonight like many others, I heard the garage door open. Jon was home from work. He didn't come in the house for a few more minutes. When he finally did come in, I asked him if everything was okay. He said he had gotten an interesting phone call from his Uncle Doyle. His uncle said he rented to a family who was having their fourth child but unfortunately did not have the means to keep it. Doyle wanted to know what our baby situation was and if we would be interested in adopting. When Jon told me that, I couldn't help but feel my heart swell. A baby....a baby....a baby. A baby in my arms, a baby in our home, a baby in our family forever. A baby! Jon and I had actually just talked about being open to adoption just a few days before that. I had told Jon I felt like we would have at least one more biologic child but that I felt a strong pull to adopt as well. I couldn't help but feel happy and excited with this new and present possibility. But in the next moment Jon said he told Doyle we weren't ready to go down that path yet (until we tried IVF) and he knew the perfect adoptive parents. I knew who he was talking about and I knew they would be amazing parents. We adore them, They are warm, kind and have been trying to adopt for a while (2 failed adoptions) and have no children. While my head knew it was the right suggestion, my heart hurt in that moment. I don't know if it hurt for the specific baby his uncle called about or if it hurt because I feel like our baby is NEVER coming. All I could do was pray for peace. Thankfully it came like a wave washing the pain away and hauling the huge weight which had burrowed itself into my chest. The weird sting was gone and I was comforted and thankful for the relief. While I look forward to the day we adopt, I can't imagine the pain both the adoptive and biologic parents go through during the process. I pray when it's our turn, we can survive it.