I remember when I found out we were finally pregnant with Benson. Two and half years of tears and heartache finally paid off. Elation, excitement, pure happiness can barely begin to describe the emotions that replaced the hurt, confusion and anger. Thoughts of a sweet babes filled my mind in that moment and resided there until he was born. I remember holding him in the hospital and it all feeling so surreal and amazing. It also felt very surreal when they kept bringing him to me from the nursery that first night. Once, twice, three times and then I just asked them to leave him. It was the weirdest thing, my so called sleepy newborn wouldn't not sleep....well would not sleep anywhere but with me. So at the time I gladly accepted the snuggles. I, for sure thought the commotion of the hospital would wear off and my sweet new baby would happily snooze in his port-a-crib.....nope. Okay well he will surely snooze in his swing.....nope. Alright, then the bouncer is our ticket.....nice try! The only place our sweet boy wanted to sleep was on me or next to me. In addition to his annoying sleep preference he also had his days and nights mixed up till the 6th or 7th week of his life. Woof! Thankfully around the time he got his days and nights figured out I was also able to get him to sleep in the bouncer, on top of our bed, next to me. A few weeks after I was able to transition him to a Rock N' Play next to the bed and has resided there for night time since. Only taking naps in his cribs (and crappy naps at that!). Now fast forwarded to when he was a week or so shy of 4 months. He went from sleeping in a few 4 hour stretches at night to waking up every 1-2 (rarely 3) hours at night. This unwelcome event coupled with his crappy 45 minute naps, is close to sending me to the looney bin. Especially after almost 3 weeks of it. It's also where my green picture above comes to play. I try my hardest not to get jealous or envious of others. To remember that everyone has their struggles. That every baby has their hard thing. But then the sleep deprived beast inside me says nope this sucks and nah nah nah other people's babies sleep like a dream and yours don't. And even if they have to sleep train, their babies go to sleep in the first 20 minutes and yours screams for hours. Nah Nah Nah Nah. Yup that inner sleep deprived beast is a butt head! My name is Alyssa and my babies don't sleep. I can do everything right from day one and my babies don't sleep. And guess what, I secretly "hate" all people whose babies do with no or minimal effort. Yup I am horrible person but today let's cut me some slack. My inner beast is raging on 2 hours of sleep.
***And thank goodness for sissers who can see you are totally and completely drowning and come to your house with a Swig drink and cookies and therapeutic chit chat.....that's love and support right there people! :)
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