The Lord's Timeline/Will or Imperfections of the Natural Man

Infertility is a tricky beast. No if's, and's, or but's about it. It strikes to the core of every infertile couple and woman. Especially women who believe they are divinely ordained to be mothers (to preface, yes I know having biological children is not the only way to be a mother). I remember when I was nineteen and received my Patriarchal blessing. I waited a little longer in life (it's typical to get it in your early teens) because I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what the Lord wanted for me. I definitely wasn't ready when I was younger. I was too angry to ever want to concede maybe the Lord knew me better than I know myself. As I got older, a desire grew to understand a path that would be blessed by Heavenly Father upon my righteousness. At this point I still believed I would have it all, a career, a husband, children, a nanny, all of it. Upon hearing the words of my blessing my world changed. While receiving an education was encouraged in my blessing, I was instructed to be at home, to raise my children on a daily basis. It knocked the preverbal wind out of me. I cried. I cried so hard. I was not pleased with the plan the Lord had for me. I needed to go out and conquer "the world". The life in my blessing, was not the life I had envisioned. I prayed so hard after I received my blessing to understand the Lord's will for my life. After much prayer, study and contemplation I felt such an overwhelming confirmation of the Lord's plan for me. He provided so much comfort and so much love in that confirmation. I kept getting the feeling that I would affect the world in ways I couldn't fully comprehend.  I then set my life on a course to align with my blessing. I worked on my spirituality, my education, loving myself as a person. I got married (even though that took 5 more years to get there....that was because of me....fighting the Lord on the plan and against my story of being from a divorced family), then we had Jax. But then everything felt like it came to a screaming halt! We couldn't get pregnant with a second child. I kept thinking....what? why? This was the plan. This was my blessing. I am being faithful. I am trying to live right. Why is the Lord withholding the blessing of a second child? I am still living with these questions as we progress on this infertility journey. But trying to view them with faith. Trying to remember the Lord's blessings, happen on His timeline and not mine. Remembering that whether we have a second child in this life or the next, my blessing has already happened and will increase with time.....the Lord's time.