Mommy Badge

Lately I have been wondering if I wear any less of a mom badge than the other moms around me. Mainly because it has been brought to my attention and also because, let's be honest being a parent of an only child wears on me and concerns me daily. I'm sure you've heard the comment or have even said it yourself, "just wait till you have two kids or three kids or four kids, etc., etc." or "you only have one, you have no idea" or "when you have more than one child you will really understand what it's like" or "I wouldn't even know what to do with a free moment". When these comments are directed towards me I have learned to shut up and smile and say you know what, I don't know what it's like. On the inside my heart is breaking. If they only knew how afraid I am that might not ever get to experience having more children because of the uncertain future I hold. Then fear creeps in, coupled with a huge amount of self doubt. Have I done enough to wear my mom badge proudly? I only have one child. Should I feel guilty? He no longer needs me to breast feed, spoon feed, get him in and out of bed, he knows what he wants, when he wants and knows exactly how he thinks he should do it. He doesn't require all my attention anymore either. So I have been able to find my favorite hobby again. I have been able to find a little piece of happy in the infertility crap I wade in daily. But I am still his constant play mate, his best buddy. I am the one teaching him to share, not push, use his words, to be kind and loving, to learn. I'm trying to raise a little boy into a good man. I'm his chauffeur to fun & adventure (& the occasional doctor appointment &/or errand usually against his will! :)). I'm his chef morning, day and night (well dinner time anyways. We don't roll with midnight snacks around here....unless it's mine :)). His secret keeper. His warden on bad days. His cheerleader and coach. His clothes and hair stylish (he will read this later while looking at pictures from the time and probably think I failed that one! :)). His waste manager (yup I am talking about diapers.....someone hates the toilet! Really he hates that I ask him to go on the toilet). Above all I'm his advocate and I should learn to be my own. I have one child and I wear my mommy badge proudly. I might not be in the sleep deprived state (don't worry we took a 15 month road trip there), or too busy to see straight state stage but I'm still a mom. I am a mom that has her good days and bad days. A mom who gets tired of doing the same thing day in and out but can't imagine another calling for herself. I am a mom with a steadfast (aka stubborn) little 3 year old boy. I am a mom who worries of she is doing enough to raise a good kiddo. I am a mom feels the weight of motherhood everyday. I am not less of a mom because I have time to clean or have a hobby. Or because I don't have multiple ducks in my flock. So I will wear my badge proudly and not think down on myself even though my motherhood looks different than those around me.