Nothing Left

I am a worry wort by nature. Always have been (from like a crazy young age, as young as I can remember) and probably always will be. When I became a mom, it just kicked up a few notches. As a mom I think there is a tendency to worry about not giving enough. Wondering if we are extending enough patience, love, unconditional love, tough love, understanding, motivation, silliness, fun, heart, etc., etc. Literally the list could go on. These are the things that keep me and probably every other mom up at night. Will I wake up in 15-20 years and wish I had done it all differently? I have worried about that since the day Jax was born. And I feel like with each new stage of life, we take on news concerns/worries, I call them my worry layers. With our struggle to have another child, I feel like that has added a plethora of worry layers. I worry because so much of me is consumed with having another child, the one I already have feels it. I worry sometimes he feels the weight of my world. I worry as hard as I try I will never be able to give him a sibling. I worry that Jax might not feel like he was enough because we fought so hard for another child. I worry and worry and worry and try to give to compensate for my concerns. As of late, this results in feeling like I only have mounting worries and nothing left to give. Nothing left in my tank. And this is where I am at lately. Scraping the bottom of my tank, trying to find everything to give to Jax and to our infertility, to Jon, to my friends and family. And I know I am falling short at every turn. I know I could be better and try harder. So I have to find ways to fill my tank back up, to shed my worry layers, to be the better version of me. Because like I quote I read recently so eloquently stated, "Worrying will never change the outcome". I need to get back to the days of being strategically proactive and finding my balance in this world.