The Anxiety of Planning

Because we chose to not do an IUI this month I knew there was a very, very, very slight chance I was pregnant. So when I started my cycle 4 days late, I still wasn't surprised or sad. I'm not going to lie, this month was a nice break! I didn't have to stress about peeing on sticks, avoiding caffeine, scheduling the procedures, worrying about the time post procedure, fighting the mind games of being pregnant or not, etc., etc. I felt normal again, I felt like me. Like the consuming weight of all this infertility CRAP was lifted, even if just temporarily. The relief was nice! So when I started my cycle, I felt like the weight of everything came crashing back down on me. I suddenly felt stressed and overwhelmed. What was our plan going to be this month?  Do we need to do a HCG trigger shot? Can Dr. Ollerton even prescribe the trigger shot? What if I have triplets?!!? (twins sure, great.....triplets, no thank you) Will Jon's count be normal after his T-shot mishap? Should we switch to a RE? If we switch will they make me repeat all my tests and get a MRI like the last one I had a consultation with wanted me to?!!? Will we get a positive OPK this month? Will I ovulate on the weekend? If I ovulate on the weekend will I be able to get all my appointments set up? What if I bleed like crazy with my IUI like last time?!? Did that affect the results? Do I have good eggs? What if I have bad eggs?! What if I never get pregnant again?! These are all the questions that came crashing down on me the minute I started my cycle. I am really starting to miss my month off. :) But the show must go on and we have to keep swimming. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.