Getting Over the Jealousy of the Old Me

Today I had an epiphany (I've been having a lot of ah-ha moments lately). I was thinking about when I got pregnant with Jaxson and how easily it happened. I thought about the bliss that followed and how much I took it for granted. I was pretty unaware of people's struggles to get pregnant and thought it was more or less a natural part of being a woman (well a woman that wanted to become pregnant). I had never put myself in the shoes of someone who had cried a million tears over not being pregnant and the weight of self beating feelings. That was not my life. I got pregnant the first month. And while I felt sad for those I knew who struggled with infertility, I could not possibly imagine the weight and heartache they were experiencing. I don't believe myself to be insensitive, I just believe empathy is a stronger connection and emotion than sympathy. You can't experience empathy without going through a similar experience. I also realized this empathy I was experiencing had also turned into jealously of the old me. I was becoming so bitter towards that naive girl. The one that got pregnant the first month. The one that didn't struggle with feelings of heartache, failure and sadness every month. She was almost mocking me in my pain. Then I decided to forgive her and get over the jealously of the old me. Yes, I was jealous of that girl, the girl who got pregnant the first month. Jealous of her happiness, contentment and pure blissful joy. And with that forgiveness and letting go, a weight was lifted and a new, different contentment was found.