Why Does This Make It Feel So Real...

Today I finally called the Reproductive Care Center in Sandy to schedule a consultation. Why does this appointment make everything so much more real?!?! Jon and I have been living with secondary infertility for 15 months. I have done blood work, had an HSG, pushed Jon to do a semen analysis, lived with the grief every month. But for some reason making the appointment, filling out the paper work and calling my doctor's office to get my fertility testing transferred, has made it so real. I think by doing all of these things, something has hit me harder than ever.....we cannot get pregnant on our own. I hate saying that out loud. I hate thinking it. I hate that it's true. And I am afraid of what it means.