Really, Is It That Time Already?

(me @39 weeks with Jaxson)

My babes is going to 18 months this week! I can hardly believe it! The time has flown as I was told it would and sometimes I still can't believe this little boy is mine (well mine and Jon's! ;)). He changes, grows and progresses a little more every day. Becoming even more the crazy, awesome boy we love so much. With Jax reaching the 18 month mark, we are also nearing and passing the 2 year gap we wanted to have between our kids (we are getting OLD.....Jon's dirty 30 is this year and I'm only a year behind him!). So with the timeline inching closer and closer, Jon and I can't help but think about to get preggers or not to get preggers. When I think about getting pregnant, this is what this lady thinks about........ First and foremost, I think about how grateful I am that I was able to get pregnant and have Jax. Then my mind goes a little bit of a different direction......I think about how once or twice a week, I say I am done having kids! Don't get me wrong, I love, LOVE, love my Jaxson boy. However, like most toddlers, especially toddlers that are boys (although I do know some little lady toddlers that fall into this category), he operates at the energizer bunny level. He keeps going and going and going and mind you, this is usually at a sprint pace as walk is not in his vocabulary. Leaving this momma pretty exhausted at the end of the day....and he is just one tiny person! (Some days I feel like such a WUSS!) So while, most times it's not said out of seriousness, sometimes having one child sounds nice! Then I remember the few times I have had the flu since Jax was born and how hard it was to be a mom to him and survive my day (morning sickness.....blah!). Then I remember my hemorrhoids the last month+ of my pregnancy with Jax and post delivery. Those bad boys make my want to curl up in a ball and cry. Gotta love those genetics! Then I remember the months and months and months of sleep deprivation after Jax was born. The hallucinating at night the first 2 months of Jaxson's life (due to lack of sleep), laying next to his crib during naps for a month while he screamed for hours and then finally Jax not sleeping through the night till after he turned a year (sleep trained at least once a month and still no dice). Then I remember I'm about 5 or 10 pounds heavier and much more out of shape then when I got pregnant with Jaxson (that just plain sucks! Why can't I get my workout shiz together!). Gosh dang all of these things should be telling me NO! But then I remember feeling his first thump in my belly while vacationing in Mexico. I remember Jaxson kicking the ultrasound machine at 20 weeks and rolling his booty around my belly when I would take my nightly bath. I remember holding my sweet boy, all ewy and gooey on my chest right after he was born. I remember the first time he nursed (freaking barcoda). I remember his first smile, then laugh. I remember the first time he rolled over, crawled, walked and ran. I remember the first time he said momma (which he has recently boycotted!). So I guess at the end it's a toss up. Do I love being a mom, more than words! Do I think Jax would love a sibling (who knows I could be WAY off), yes. But the question is am I READY?!?! Maybe it's like when we got pregnant with Jax, I knew I was never going to be 100% ready but we still went for it. I guess only time will tell........ ?!!?!!? :)